Synergy blog

Being Right and Needing to Be Right

2010-06-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Being right and needing to be right are not the same things.

Sometimes I make the right choice. Sometimes I believe the right things. Sometimes I have the right answer. Most times I stumble my way into being right. Things could have gone the other way. I could have made the wrong choice, believed the wrong thing or had the wrong answer. Grace, thankfulness, and humility are words that go along with being right.

Needing to be right is an altogether different thing. My need to act right leads to a set of rules, for me and also for you. My need to believe right leads me to write creeds and dogmas that are standards for my life and also for yours. Needing to have the right answer means that if your answer doesn’t match my answer then your answer is wrong therefore you are wrong. Needing to be right transforms oneness into sameness. Rules, coercion and superiority are words that go along with my need to be right.

Jesus asks us to pray. He asks us to stay alert. He asks us to follow. He thinks that grace is a good thing and that humility is as good as it gets.

This week we will look at Matthew 23 and discuss being right and needing to be right. Look forward to our time together.

Your life, Great Music

2010-04-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

It has taken me my whole life to believe that Jesus will not make me good; good at sports, good at fighting my fears, or good at relationships. He has no plan to help me quite smoking, quit cussing, or quit wasting my money. While noble, these pursuits miss the point of what Jesus is trying to do in my life.

Jesus says, “come to me (bringing all your insanity) and I will give you rest.”
I don’t even know what to do with that.

I want to follow Jesus and get an “A”; or follow Jesus and stay healthy; or follow Jesus and…well, I have a feeling that you can fill in those blanks too.

Morality is the religious word for the gospel of getting better. It is assuming more control of my life than I’ve exercised before. It’s being able to make the hard decisions and stick with them; no more chips at night, exercise every day, tell the truth. This has great value, but it is less than Jesus expects of me. Morality is about hardening my will. Following Jesus is about softening my heart.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, I joined a church choir to sing in their Christmas musical. During a particularly hard spot in the music, I tried concentrating, I tried counting, and without fail, I would always come in at the wrong time. Bob, the young choir director, was sensitive to my plight as he stopped one of our practices and said, “Hey, don’t even look at your music during this spot. Watch me and I will let you know when to sing and when to be quiet.”

I had reduced a great piece of music to a counting exercise. For Bob, it was still a great piece of music. He wanted it to be great music for me. I had only to watch him.

Your life is more than a counting exercise. Jesus still sees it as great music. Following him is hearing your life as it's meant to be played.

FAQ’s …on Studying, Teaching, and Living

2010-03-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

Q. Some have the gift of teaching. I don’t. So what makes you think that I will ever be able to lead the group in a study of scripture?

A. I don’t want us to be taught only by people who have the gift of teaching. Think about our group: Scott is an avid cyclist who may know more about discipline and training than most. Though not a teacher, Scott will give me good insight about discipline and training as I see scripture through his life. Our minds work differently. Our hearts are pulled toward different things. We, the church, Synergy, will grow because we have heard and seen scripture through your eyes.

Q. I’m really not comfortable doing this. What do you have to say about that?

A. I would ask you to look at what scares you the most; that you will fail, make a fool of yourself, get stuck and not know what to say? My fears have a way of rolling over into other parts of my life. They chase me until I finally turn around and face them. It’s good if I face them in a room full of friends. Comfort is not a good filter for deciding what I will and won’t do in my life.

Q. I really don’t know anything about the Bible. You really can’t expect me to teach what I don’t know, can you?

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Fishing is the only way to learn how to fish. Studying Scriptures together is the only way to learn how to study. Everyone starts with someone else baiting their hook. I will bait your hook, show you where to drop the line, and celebrate with you as you have success. To say, “I can’t fish” is the only thing that will keep me from fishing.

Q. So what about the people who really know how to teach? Isn’t that what they are called to do? Shouldn’t we let them teach and let the rest of us learn from them?

A. I wish we wouldn’t separate our world into teachers and learners. We are really learners and learners, since the best teachers are always discovering something unknown to them before. We are really learners who teach and learners who don’t teach. Our best teachers encourage us to become like them, to teach, through our own lives and personalities, what we are learning.

"Community", our 20's group will lead us this Sunday in our study. I am so proud of them. Come and learn or as Jesus said, "Come follow me and I will teach you to fish."

Studying, Teaching, Living

2010-03-23T05:12:00.000-07:00

At First Baptist, our single adult groups are pretty healthy. We have people who seek out God’s will in their lives, people who work on finding a place of love and acceptance for themselves, and people who strive to do their relationships well. This is as true in this group as in any other group that I know of. Within our large group, we have three separate groups, each of different ages. But there is something about our structure that has bothered me for a while.

We have one teacher for each group. One person to whom we look for insight. With the best of motives, we come hoping this one person has studied their scriptures the previous week so that they can bring us some insight for the lives are to live. In the spirit of “March Madness”, we have one person who trains, one person who prepares, and one person who steps onto the court come game time.

Any athlete knows that the more you train, the stronger you get. Athletes train because they know that come game day, they are on and they had better be prepared.
It seems to me that in a real sense we keep everyone else on the bench if we have only one person who is studying and preparing and being expected to be teach.
So, last week I brought a deck of playing cards to class. I shuffled the deck as I gave these instructions: “Ok, in a deck of cards there are four suits and in the Bible there are four gospels. This morning, clubs are Matthew, spades are Mark, hearts are Luke and diamonds are John.” I then laid the cards on the table and drew a heart from the middle of the stack.

“Hearts, Ok we’ll be studying from Luke this morning, “I said, as I drew another card from the deck. It was the four of diamonds. “Ok, we’ll be in chapter 4,” as I drew again to determine the verse we would begin with.
I then place people in groups and said, “You figure out what you would need to know about this passage if you were to teach it.”

A high percentage of us have played basketball in our neighborhoods but never in a game. We have been to church, sat in class, and studied forever, but know nothing of the pressure of game day.

So hang on because here’s where we are going. We work toward a day when each of us studies scripture as a lifestyle. We are on the road to become people who live for game day (2 Tim 4:2). I want us to be people who know that this Sunday we may be asked to show up and teach the group. I never want us to be embarrassed because we were caught unprepared (Matthew 25:1). Feel free to “comment” and ask questions that you have. I will address FAQ’s in my next post.

Blessings!

God is not a vegetarian

2010-03-09T02:42:00.000-08:00

Thump! That’s the sound a bird makes when it flies into our back windows. But the thump this past Sunday afternoon was unusually loud so Becky and I left our chairs around the fireplace and went to our back room to see what had happened. On the deck sat a red tailed hawk with a dove in its talons, both somewhat dazed from the experience. In the frenzy of the chase, the hawk for his supper, and the dove for his life, they both had slammed into the glass. As I write this I stare at the obvious mark left on the window as a result of their collision.

Jesus said, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.”

This seems like a somewhat encouraging passage if you’re talking about sunflower and thistle seed for the dove’s next meal. It feels a little less encouraging if it’s time for the hawk to be fed, and less encouraging still if you’re a dove and you’re on the menu.

(Not that we’re especially fond of doves around our house. They roost and poop on everything. I recently bought Becky a BB gun so she could sit on the deck and shoot the doves. Turns out the gun shot plastic BBs. We sat on the back deck and watched the plastic BBs bounce off of the doves as they clustered on the feeder. They were less than intimidated.)

So maybe we just say that life is not as “nice” as we try to make it. And maybe God is not as “nice” as we try to make him. Beautiful art, beautiful music, and beautiful lives require discipline, effort, and hours of work. God is not so nice to overlook my being lazy. God advises me to choose work over worry.

I like this quote attributed to Roger Bannister,
“Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must move faster than the lion or it will not survive. Every morning a lion wakes up and it knows it must move faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It doesn't matter if you are the lion or the gazelle, when the sun comes up, you’d better be moving."

So, don’t worry about your life, but don’t get lazy either. Trust, have faith, but work hard to keep moving. Plan to be creative. Try new things. Don’t worry about the hawk, but don’t make yourself an easy target either.

Our best friends are those who disappoint us

2010-03-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

If people meet our needs then we are happy, but we are shallow. When they disappoint us, when they offend us, or when they hurt us, we take offense and blame them for how we feel.

“Blaming” is our refusal to do the work we need to do on ourselves. It’s our way of saying that the world should adjust to us. When you offend me, I have a chance to work on listening without being defensive. When you disappoint me, I learn to love you for who you are, instead of who you are for me. When you are negative, or when you criticize me, I have a chance to find my worth in God’s love for me.

Of course, it is also true that on your side of the fence, you have a boat load of battles to fight inside yourself too. My relationship with you also helps you see where your biggest battles must be fought. And for both of us, our relationships are only as good as the people we become individually.

Prayer: God, give us good friends who disappoint us. Give us good friends who stretch our patience beyond our imagination. Give us good friends who help us clearly see where our most important internal battles must take place. Give us good friends who irritate us until we become the people you intend us to be. We wish for our hope, our security and our life to be found in you. Amen

Nothing outside of me can fix the problems that are inside of me.

2010-02-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

A good relationship is not a cure for my loneliness. More money is not a cure for my neediness. More good experiences are not a cure for my being negative. If I am a lonely person before we have a relationship then I will still be a lonely person in our relationship. If I am needy before I win the lottery then I will be needy after I strike it rich (although needy for things money can’t buy). And if I choose to be negative when things aren’t going my way, then a boatload of good experiences won’t make me positive.

Nothing outside of me can fix the problems that are inside of me. “It’s not what goes into a person that gives us trouble,” Jesus said “but what comes from our heart.”

If we are shy, lonely, needy, or negative then no change in circumstances or relationships will help. These are battles that each of us fight in the loneliness of our own soul as we choose our weapons and muster our courage and head into the darkness of our own lives alone.

Doing battle with ourselves is the frontline of the real war. It's hard work but it's good for us and good for those around us.

If Onlys

2010-02-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

If only I were married, if only I were single, if only I were married to someone else, if only I were out of debt, if only my boss could see my potential, if only it would quit snowing or start snowing, if only I could find some work, if only I could get a vacation from work, if only I could lose some weight, if only the neighbor’s dog would quit barking, if only I had an iphone, if only I were older, if only my joints didn’t ache, if only someone would notice me, if only I had a different past, if only I won the lottery, YEA!

My guess is that we all carry around a pocketful of “if onlys”. If we don’t verbalize them we at least think a lot about them. “If onlys” are a way of saying that the circumstances of my life determine the happiness of my life. They are a way of saying I won’t or can’t be happy or content or OK with my life until something changes. Change is good but “if onlys” are paralyzing.

Lost.

2010-02-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

I can’t find my keys. I can’t find my friends. I can’t find my confidence. I can’t find my bearings. I can’t find my place. I can’t find myself. Lost.
We sit in dark rooms by ourselves. The silence reminds us that we are lonely and that we are alone. We sit in rooms crowded with people. People greet us as we ask them about themselves. The noise that fills the room doesn’t fill the emptiness within our souls. When we are alone we are lost. When we are surrounded, we feel just as lost.
At age 5 I moved from northern Illinois to Oklahoma, from the city to the country. At the time, our family makeup was three boys, an older sister, and two parents. I remember the first story dad told us about our 100 acre farm. “Legend has it that an old man buried his bag of silver dollars at the base of one of these trees and he died before he could come back to claim them.” Now legends are not the same as facts. Sometimes legends are a lot more powerful. That legend drove three young boys out of the house for many a day, with shovel in hand and a dream in their hearts. We could see the rotted bag of white, cotton cloth and feel the weight of the coins in our hands.
As you might guess, we never found the silver dollars but that one experience turned me into a seeker, a searcher, a treasure hunter. I love to discover. I love to find. I love the thrill of looking for what is yet to be found.
God is just like that. He loves the hunt. He will give almost anything to discover what has been lost.
This Sunday I will teach the 20’s Community class. We will look at how it is that we spend half of our lives feeling lost. We will look at how good it is to be found but also how good it is to work with God as together we find our way, as we find our confidence, and as we find ourselves. Together, we will try to hear him as he calls us to find others, who just like us, have lost their way. What a great thing it is to join in the search. I can’t wait to look at this together.

2009-11-11T06:34:00.000-08:00

Jesus was good at making friends. This is maybe the thing that shocks me most about God, that he’s so friendly. Open and welcoming, smiles a lot as he looks you in the eye and the walls of protection you have worked so hard to erect, begin to reveal their cracks.

Growing up I remember following dad around the barnyard on the snowy days of winter. I loved our short trips to the milk barn as I walked behind him and made every effort to put my small feet in the tracks left by his big rubber boots.

Even today, I love it when I hear Jesus say, "Come and see". I make every effort to step where he steps, to put my small life in the tracks left by his presence. I want to be welcoming, disarming, look people in the eye with a feeling of interest for who they are. I want to smile and say I’m happy to see you today.

God is good at making friends. He likes people, likes being with people, likes being with us, likes to be included.

I think I'll stop by Starbucks today and have a cup of coffee with him…just the two of us. I think it will make his day...and maybe mine too.

Seeing the good…

2009-11-10T05:29:00.000-08:00

The first creation account goes something like this…

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth and the Spirit of God hovered over the waters, and there was light and it was good, and there was dry land and there were seas and it was good, and the land produced fruit bearing plants and it was good, and God set the stars in the heavens and he called them good, and God created the creatures of the sea, and of the land, and of the air and they were good and he gave the creatures the ability to reproduce and he said it was good. Then God said let us make man in our image, So God created man in his own image, male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God saw all that he had made and it was very good.

I see six (6) “goods” and one (1) “very good” in this small narrative. It makes me think that God is all about making sure that “good” has its place in our world. So, to get myself ready for the upcoming season of Thanksgiving, I will start by being a person who looks for the good. I will look to find it in people, in things that happen around me, and in myself. Maybe once every few days I will post on FB one thing that I’ve found that’s good. You want to join me?

Being People who Kick the Can

2009-09-17T03:30:00.000-07:00

Before computer games, kids played a game called kick the can. In kick the can, everyone hides while one person who is “it” closes their eyes and counts to fifty. At fifty, the “it” person says, “Ready or not here I come” and begins to look for the rest. As people are found, the one who is “it” runs to base, puts their foot on the can and yells, “Jim is under my can”. And in the game of kick the can, being under the can is like being shot in paintball. You are out of the game or at least out of the game for the moment. You have one hope left. If someone who is free, not yet caught, has enough courage to sneak into base and kick the can, then all who are caught are free to play again. It’s nice to play kick the can with people who are willing to risk themselves to free the rest of us.

In life, friends hurt our feelings. Husbands act unthinkingly. Drivers are rude to us. People act in stupid ways and we are the recipients of their anger, revenge, and ignorance. The natural thing to do is to put our foot on the can and say, “You’re under my can.” And in our minds we take people out of the game. We refuse to relate to them. We refuse to forgive them. We make them the enemy and refuse to treat them with dignity, respect and fairness. This feels like the only fair thing to do. This feels natural and right.

But I want you to consider if you really want to stick with what feels natural. There was a time in our life when the natural thing to do was to pee in our pants. But if now, as adults, we most often pee in our pants it’s not hard to know that we need to find some help. And when we were kids it might have been natural to get mad and make people pay for hurting us, to make a fist and say, “I don’t like you anymore.” But if we are still doing that when we are adults, it’s not hard to see that we might need to get some help.

As people, we are sometimes a little less than stellar. We say hurtful things, sometimes intentionally. We make mistakes, sometimes big ones. People get hurt because of things we do and things we say. We have only one hope in relationships, only one way to go if we follow Jesus with our lives. We must become people who have enough courage to kick the can. Jesus did it for us. It’s “natural” now, that we do it for each other.

My nights are a little weird sometimes.

2009-09-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke at 2:30 to the sound of a hard rain. I tried to go back to sleep but finally got up and went downstairs to read. Amazon delivered a new book yesterday on geology, "Basin and Range" and I've been really excited to start it. After a couple of hours reading, I thought I would go for an early morning run. The rain had stopped but you could still see the lightning in the distance. I’ve heard of golfers being struck by lightning but not runners so I drove my truck to a small church, parked it and stuck the key into the pocket of my running shorts.
“Aahh, the smell of fresh rain,” I thought, as I made my way up the first hill of my 3 mile run. Half way through the run it started to sprinkle and then began the slow steady rain that would last for the next 2 miles. There’s really not much you can do at that point except enjoy the added coolness the rain brings to your body.

The last mile, as I enjoyed God’s cooling surprise I began to think about how he bathes my life too in his showers of love and forgiveness. I thought about how good it felt to start again, clean from the worries and sins of yesterday. I know that today will bring its share of troubles, temptations, and mistakes. But for now, early this Wednesday morning, my body and my soul are bathed anew. In the middle of these comforting thoughts I noticed the lightning which seemed to be right upon me. Isn’t there always something to take my attention off of God’s goodness? I decided at that moment that if God protects me, I will honor him for it, and if not… then still I will honor him. This let me relax again and get back my stride. I finished my run drenched in rain and sweat and refreshed in body and spirit.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Father, today I will honor you with my words, my thoughts, and my behavior. I’ve got that kitchen floor to sand and coat with finish, let me do this with thoughts of you. I hope to start scraping a house in preparation for painting and I must return those calls I received yesterday afternoon. Let me approach my tasks today, grateful for our morning meeting, and let me do my work always with my soul open to your presence. Amen

Build your house on Lover’s Lane

2009-08-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” Matthew, a follower of Jesus

We are single, we are married, we are wide-eyed and inexperienced, we are jaded. We have high hopes for life, we have given up on life ever being good again. We have committed to follow Jesus with our life. We go where he calls. He calls us to a build our lives on a place called lover’s lane. You remember that place, don’t you? That spot in your growing up town known for the thrill of first love? It was the place of excitement, discovery, emotion and connection. It’s a risky spot because love is unpredictable and love is a second cousin to hurt and risk and sometimes, to joy.

You say that’s an odd spot for single adults to live, and I say it’s the only place for any of us to live. Why? because we live in a world that too easily gives up on love. We live in a world stingy with its love. We live in a world where love is dished out by the teaspoon. In a world that loves only when conditions are met or only when strings are attached. We live in a world where families feast on rules and order and on schedules and yet they are anorexic because they lack understanding and acceptance, love and concern. We live in a world where people are traded like commodities as we use this person to make us a success or this person to make us look good or this person to make us feel good. We live in a world where sex is traded for love. We get sex but remain desperate to find love.

So take your life out for a spin and when you find just the right spot, pull over and make a life. Pull over on lover’s lane and make a life fitting for the area.
I leave you with the lyrics to a song by Tom Waits. You might go to itunes and download the entire song. It’s good for thought.

“ What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love...
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives“ Tom Waits

My Heart Monitor

2009-08-20T03:57:00.000-07:00

I like to know how I’m doing.

When I exercise, I wear a strap around my chest that sends a signal to my watch. It tells me how fast my heart is beating. Too slow and I’m not getting enough benefit from the time I invest. Too fast and at my age you’re likely to find me on the side of the road passed out from exhaustion. Your maximum heart rate during exercise is supposed to be 220 minus your age. That puts my mhr at around 166. I like to push that just a little so I keep my heart beating between 170 and 180 for about thirty minutes.

We are talking about emotions this month so an appropriate question to ask is, “how’s your heart doing?” Are you loving too much, or not enough? Too much means I rely too heavily on people, I get clingy and controlling. Too much means I get angry too fast because I feel all used up. I feel like I’m the one doing all the giving. Too little means I’m indifferent to the needs and feelings of others and my life consists more and more about how things affect me. Too little means when I walk into a room my first thought is, “I wonder what they’re thinking about me?”
When I exercise, the more I work my heart the healthier it gets. When I love, the more I consider the needs of others, the healthier I get.

If you want a good workout today try loving those who don’t love you. As Jesus said, “love those who do you harm, and pray for them…”

Try loving a Republican or a Democrat or a “liberal” or a “conservative”. Try loving a critical person or a judgmental person or an angry person. Labeling people, judging people, criticizing people, deciding ahead of time who you’ll love and who you won’t…that’s “Lazy Loving”. I'm shocked at how angry and critical Christians in Oklahoma, Christians in Tulsa, Christians in our churches, are toward our government and toward our president. That's "lazy loving". "Oh you of little faith," Jesus would say. Loving well only comes by exercising our heart. It’s not easy. It doesn’t feel natural. But since when do we do only what feels natural? When we were a year old it felt natural to pee in our pants. In time we learned to do what didn’t feel natural.

Go out today and exercise your heart! We’ll all be better for it.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” The follower formerly known as Saul

2009-08-17T04:04:00.000-07:00

Emotions are a mess and they make us into a mess but they also help us process our lives. Emotions are to us what a flour sifter is to a cook as the usable flour is sifted through to make something better and what doesn’t make the grade is tossed into the trash. But emotions are a little harder to process than flour. If our life becomes bogged down, if we get stuck, as we often do, it most likely has something to do with our emotions. Our anger turns to rage and then bitterness. Our sadness heads down the road to depression. Our fears paralyze us.

Emotions make good servants but terrible masters. So how do we keep from letting one event, which makes us angry or sad or hurt, ruin our whole day? By remembering that our thoughts shape our feelings. If you hurt me and I “think” you intended to hurt me, I am mad at you and likely will try to even the score. If you hurt me and I “think” you made a mistake and I got caught in the middle of something unintended, then I am likely to be less angry and more apt to let you off the hook and see what I can do to mend things. If I am behind an idiot driver and I “think” they are on their cell phone or not paying attention, I might honk and get angry and think they ought to stay off the road. If the driver in front of me is slow at making a right on red and I "think" about my 16 year old who is learning to drive in Tulsa traffic, I might feel a little less angry and a be little more patient. My thoughts determine what I feel.

Change what you feel by changing what you think. When you become your own worst critic by saying thinks like, “I’m so unorganized” or “I’m so ugly” or “I’m no good at….” When you begin to feel angry or sad or hurt or disappointed and you know those feelings have you stuck and that you’re not processing them through. Discipline yourself to think about better things. Write on a note card, “I’m really good at ____________” or “I’m really thankful for______________” or “My life is really good because___________”, and put that note card on your bathroom mirror or on your fridge or on the dash of your car. Do this for a week, then two weeks, then a month.
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Terry

John 12, When we are Sad

2009-08-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

It’s six days before Passover, an old, old celebration remembering an event 1200 years ago when you’re ancestors were delivered from slaverly in Egypt.

You are a guest at tonight’s dinner, served at the house of Martha, her sister Mary, and their brother Lazuras. Lazurus who days earlier was dead, and now somehow isn’t. The air is thick with emotion and anticipation. On the heals of such a miracle, you expect this will be a Passover like no other. You hope it will be another deliverance. This time from the current pagan nations who have desecrated the sacred Temple of Yahweh by entering the holy of holies and carrying off the gold and silver to finance their military campaigns. You can almost smell the sweet aroma of revenge.

You look around the room and see Martha the servant, Lazurus the friend, and Mary, well what can you say about Mary. We all know the kind. She is so useless, sits for hours just thinking about things, and expects the practicalities of life to just take care of themselves. She leads a life of abandonment with a heart full of love. You watch her as she slips from the room and returns with a jar of costly perfume. "No, she can’t", you think to yourself. But before anyone notices what is happening, the wax seal is broken and the perfume is all over the feet of your guest. And once done, there is no hiding the act. The entire house is filled with the fragrance. A risky endeavor.

From the practical sister you hear, "Mary quit being so silly. Come along now and help me in the kitchen." Lazurus just sits there seeming to understand, as does Jesus. But the boys who have followed Jesus into the house, can’t let this one pass. They feel obligated to point out the obvious. "This could have been sold and the proceeds given to the poor!" They have such a heart for the needy. Ok, really they have a heart for themselves but as they see it, they are needy too sometimes. This jar of perfume could have meant, what, an extra hundred going into their money bag? No doubt thinking that it won’t hurt to have a little extra cash on hand. when Jesus comes into his Kingdom. A week later they are left with a dead Messiah and a bag full of shattered dreams.

This week, we are talking about "sadness" which always comes on the heels of shattered dreams or unmet expectations. It is a common emotion and no amount of positive thinking will help us navigate our way through these waters. See you Sunday.

Shaped by Fear

2009-08-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

I sat as a member of the congregation that fall Sunday morning as the pastor addressed us all. It was an incredible service of support and thanks to the troops who had recently gone to Iraq to do battle with unknown forces for the sake of our country’s security. We were asked to stop and pray for America and for our troops and for the families of our troops. We were asked to pray for each son or daughter, husband or wife, mother or father. We were asked to pray for the freedom of our country.

For some time, since the war began, my heart had been under a cloud. I wondered about the other moms and daughters, sons and fathers who awoke each day to find themselves in the middle of a war within their own country. I wondered about their fears. I wondered what they would pray tonight before they went to bed. And so I raised my hand and waited to add my request to the list of prayers. “Could we also,“ I began, “pray for the Iraqi people who will go to bed tonight with panic and fear for their own country, for their kids, and for their families?”
I remember an awkward silence that fell over the crowd and a feeling that my request was somehow out of place.

After our prayer time together, and after our time of worship, a man stopped me to have a word. He spoke with a thick middle eastern accent as he told me that he indeed had relatives living in Iraq who had neither asked for nor understood the war that had come to their backyards. He assured me that his friends and relatives back home also pray for the safety of their families and their countrymen.
“Thank you, “ he said, “for remembering to pray for my people also.”

This week we will talk about “fear”. We will talk about what it does to our insides and how it affects our relationships with others. We will talk about how fear causes us to drawer thick, black lines that separate us from others. We will talk about how fear causes us to live in gated communities suspicious of those who don’t belong. We will talk about how fear causes us to isolate ourselves and to make our lives safe. We will talk about how fear affects our following Jesus with our lives. This should be a good one. I’ll see you Sunday.

Consume Me

2009-08-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

“While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, ‘take and eat; this is my body.’”
Matthew 26:26

I am a consumer.

I crave sunshine. I enjoy leisure. I desire food. When I’m with others I soak up their attention, when I’m alone I look for pleasure. I buy the latest power tool to make my work more efficient. I have bookcases full of books and a garage full of things that I’ve long forgotten. I have a garden tiller that I loan out more often than I use it.

In all of this Jesus comes to me with a loaf of bread, the simplest of all the things that I own. He is thankful for things I have forgotten. He rips the bread apart and passes it among us saying, “Take and eat” and then he adds, “this is my body.”

I am a consumer. I have an abundance of all that money can buy, but I lack what is free for the seeking. I consume everything except the most important thing. In the Old Testament the fire consumed the offering. In the New Testament the offering is asked to consume the fire.

And as I consume the fire, it spreads through my heart burning up my insides. When I want you to think well of me, I smell some smoke. When I hold onto my bitterness, I feel some heat. When I will not forgive, I see the flame. When my world is turned upside down by cancer or death or loss, I am consumed by the fire. I cannot make it. I am empty.

And then Jesus comes again and says, “Take and eat, this is my body.” And like a college student learning to like coffee for the sake of the stimulant, I learn to crave the life of Jesus. I disappoint you. I am hurt by you. I can’t forgive you. I make a mess of all around me. But still, I sit alone with my hands around Jesus like the student who holds her cup. I feel the warmth. I give thanks. I consume what I need to become who I must.

Healthy Hearts

2009-07-30T05:25:00.000-07:00

"Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God.
Don't run roughshod over the concerns of your brothers and sisters. Their concerns are God's concerns, and he will take care of them. We've warned you about this before. God hasn't invited us into a disorderly, unkempt life but into something holy and beautiful—as beautiful on the inside as the outside.
If you disregard this advice, you're not offending your neighbors; you're rejecting God, who is making you a gift of his Holy Spirit.
Regarding life together and getting along with each other, you don't need me to tell you what to do. You're God-taught in these matters. Just love one another! You're already good at it; your friends all over the province of Macedonia are the evidence. Keep it up; get better and better at it.
Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You've heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends."
Paul, The Apostle of Jesus

It is easier to change behavior than to change my heart. Anger, fear, sadness, respect, and patience all come from my heart. To work on my insides, to manage my emotions in a healthy way, I have to allow my heart to change. Good behavior comes after heart change. "Make a tree good and it's fruit will be good," Jesus said. I cannot change my heart through strength of will. My heart has to be wooed. It has to be loved into changing. It has to be moved toward sympathy or regret or love. Our hearts change by being caught up in the drama of life. I think I'll start this Sunday by reading us all a story. See you Sunday.

Holiness and Health

2009-07-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

Jesus has some big plans for our lives. But they don’t involve us being smart. His plans don’t involve us being popular or pleasing people. His plans aren’t about us being right or about having the right answers to hard questions. He’s not mostly interested in our being safe. And if you can believe it, Jesus isn’t that concerned about us being good. Not good in the sense that we think of goodness inside church. Not good in the sense of being religious.
The Bible makes it clear that his big plan for us is that we become holy, a word we don’t use much these days. But a good word. Holy is outside living coming from inside health.

This Sunday we will study I Thessalonians 4:1-8.

“1Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

This month we will talk about these areas of health and holiness…

2 Emotional Health…Anger
9 Emotional Health…Fear
16 Emotional Health…Sadness
23 Emotional Health…Respect
30 Emotional Health…Patience

Tomorrow, I’ll have a post on anger. Look for it.

Terry

Today is tomorrow's Past

2009-07-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

This month we’ve been talking about our pasts. We hold tightly to some of it wishing to turn back the clock and relive those sweet times. People we love who are no longer in our time. Experiences we’ve had that were exciting or meaningful to us. Time when all the planets seemed to come into alignment and everything worked as we wished it would.

And yet some of our past we hide in our closets. We close the door, turn the lock and hide the key in places we hope will never be discovered. People we haven’t spoken to in five years and when they come to our minds we hear the door on our closet begin to shake. Experiences we’ve had that rocked our world then and continue to shake us to this day, “you’ve got cancer”, “I don’t love you anymore”, “I want a divorce”, “there has been an accident and…”

When I am alone and thinking about my life, I sometimes wish I could go back, to relive an especially meaningful event or to change an event that I now regret. What if we could change our past? What if we could shape our past into a past of healthy relationships, where we were proud of ourselves, and where we made the best of the trauma we would experience?

While we can’t do much about today’s past, we are, right now, writing tomorrow’s past. Tomorrow and next month and next year, what you think and do today, will be the past you will ponder over. So in a sense we are shaping tomorrow's pasts by what we do today. We pick up the phone to reconnect with someone we’ve injured or who has injured us. We go for a walk or go to the gym or eat one day of healthy meals. When the wheels fall off of our lives today, and for some of us they will, we will hurt, and be angry, and grieve and in all of that we will trust that God is present in the middle of it all.

Then tomorrow as we speak of our past we will cherish the time we forgave and were forgiven. We will be grateful that there was that day in our past, July 21, when we began to be healthy again, when we chose to eat right and began to exercise. We will live with a little more confidence because now we know that God is present even when life is hard. Today is tomorrow’s past. How is it coming?

How scary is your past, How big is your God?

2009-07-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Joseph, Genesis 50:20.

Most of you may not know this, but working in religious circles has not always been easy for me. I was once fired from a job before it even started. In 1987 I was hired to be the Baptist Campus Minister at the BSU at OSU. A person of "position" found out that Becky and I had been a part of a woman's ordination service (a good friend of ours from seminary) at University Baptist Church in Fort Worth, Texas. Knowing this, he didn't think I would be a good influence on the lives of students who were away at college. We were a young family at the time, married for ten years with two young kids. We had resigned our position at the smaller college and had begun making plans for our move. Soon we heard the news that the BGCO had rescinded the job offer and that they had already hired someone for our old job.
We were devastated. We were angry. We were hurt and disappointed. We were angry with those who fueled the rumor mill as well as those who thought more about their reputations and keeping the peace than about the future of our family. We were angry at "ministers of God" who were circulating letters about us but had never once met us.
How could this happen? How do you make sense of this? How do you explain where God is in all of this? What do you do with your insides, your hurt and anger and disappointment? We lived for a long while not making much sense of any of it. Answers are slow in coming when your insides are in such turmoil. We lived the next twenty years of our lives trusting that God's vision was clearer than ours. Over and over we offered our pasts to him as he taught us to forgive. In the early days he showed up through ordinary people like Charlie and Marsha, and Donna and Gary. And more recently through people like Jane and Bob and Paul and Lyn.
Now, twenty years later we see much clearer..."You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..."

This Sunday we will talk about how our pasts might be shaping our present. We will look at our past experiences, good and bad, and see what they are doing to our hearts, to our thoughts, and to our relationships with others. We won't be looking for answers. We'll look instead for glimpses of grace and inklings of truth. We'll look for small signs of forgiveness and the faintest hint of progress. We'll be really good to each other and look for God among us. See you Sunday.

Today

2009-07-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

“Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today…” Hebrews 3:13

What do I think? That I will be able to coast in this life? That I can move through this life unprepared, untrained, undisciplined? What do I think? That I will get strong tomorrow?
Today is the only day we have. Today is the day to begin. We can’t emphasize enough how important today is. Today is the day to change my thinking. Today is the day to forgive. Today is the day to follow Jesus with my life. Today is the day to begin writing. Today is the day to meet my neighbor. Today is the day to rest. Today is the day to hear the call of the house wren outside my back door. Today is the day to put on those workout clothes and go for a walk, or a jog, or a run. Today is the day to eat only half of my food and to save the rest for my next meal. Today is the day to compliment someone, or to look in the mirror and compliment myself. Today is the day to let myself off the hook, to forgive myself.
Fear, despair, lack of hope, pessimism, lack of courage…these are “today” killers. These “today killers” keep us stuck in the regrets of our yesterdays and encourage us to live in the “if onlys” of our tomorrows.
Today is about the new. New thoughts, new habits, new friends. Don’t miss your chance to do what you can only do today.

Prayer: God, my regret over misspent days causes me to neglect my current opportunities. Give me the insight to appreciate your creation

Mike gets baptized this Sunday

2009-07-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago Mike, Jason, and Nick walked into our life group on Sunday morning. It was an odd place for them to end up as it was only their second time at church…any church, any time. We meet on the fourth floor and someone downstairs told them, since they were single, they could find a class on the 4th floor. It’s amazing they made it because I have been at the church for almost a year and just this past Sunday I discovered an unknown bathroom, an empty room across the hall, and a secret passage leading to the Hogwarts chamber of secrets (Ok, that was a reference to Harry Potter for Tiffany’s benefit). Anyway, this particular Sunday morning Vonda was in the hallway and overheard these three guys saying, “can you believe, we’re in the ‘singles’ department!” Vonda, who has never been accused of being timid, and is always open to finding new guys for the class, walked around the corner and said, “Hey, are you guys looking for a class?”
And so, with tattered jeans, tattoos, and baseball caps, they came in and sat on the front row. We studied the story of the crippled beggar to whom Jesus asked the question, “Do you want to get well?” This was followed by some good discussion and as the class ended, I watched people meet these three and pull them into conversations. I was a little disappointed as I watched them leave without being able to get over to meet them myself. A few minutes later, Mike comes back in and says to me, “hey can we talk with you a minute?” He takes me across the hall where Jason and Nick are waiting and the three of them talk about how much they enjoyed their time. They had just two questions for me, “does this go on every Sunday?” and “can we come back next week?” I assured them it did and they could.
Most weeks they’ve returned and brought with them fresh insights for all of us to ponder, perspectives from the outside, you might say. From the beginning the group has enlarged their circle to include the three of them. So, this Sunday Mike is baptized and it reminds us that God is amazing as he relentlessly searches and calls us to be part of his team. I love following him.

Monsters in our Pasts

2009-07-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

“Shhh, I hear something.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know but I think it’s getting closer!”
And so began the conversations between my younger brother and me, late at night on the farm, after our parents were deep asleep. Having six kids in a three bedroom house, my younger brother and I slept in one bed while my older brother got a bed to himself. There are no street lights in the country and when it is dark it is really dark. I remember opening my eyes and seeing only the blackness of night. “There it is. I hear it again.” And my heart seemed to double or triple its pace. I can’t remember imagining what monsters would look like, but I was sure they loved the dark. Nothing is scarier than what I can’t see. Nothing frightens like the unknown, something under the bed, or in the closet or around the corner. Nothing brings more fear than my own imagination.
Our pasts are a little like that. We open our eyes and stare but see only blackness. The lights have all been extinguished and the less we see the more we fear. We mostly remember what we felt as we lived our past. Fear, panic, pain, dread, and regret. No wonder we spend our lives trying to lose our past, ignoring the sounds coming from behind our closed doors.
This week we will talk about the monsters in our closets. We will talk about those things that scare us to death, that give us nightmares still, those thoughts and memories that make our hearts double or triple their pace. Things from our past that continue to haunt our lives. Thoughts of repeating it. Meeting people we’ve encountered there. The unknown that could still happen, because of our past.

Our Prayer today…Father we offer even the darkness of our blackest nights to you. We give you the deepest fears of our hearts and the worst our minds can imagine. There are monsters in our closets. Be with us as we are with each other. We ask for the courage to throw open the doors and turn on the lights. Let us remember, “Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil for you are with us.” Amen and Amen

My dangerous past

2009-07-02T04:43:00.000-07:00

“No one who puts their hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom,” Jesus said. And God knows that I’m not fit for the Kingdom. I have a constant crick in my neck from turning around to see where I’ve been. The danger is that I pat myself on the back for the times I’ve been witty and kick myself in the butt over the times I’ve been stupid. I have never once had any luck changing my past. It only serves to ruin my present and to make me doubt my future.

Holding on and Letting Go

2009-07-01T04:41:00.000-07:00

Relationships are a balancing act. On the one hand, we love a person, want to be with them, to know about their lives, and we want the same in return. On the other hand, we have lives of our own, we have gifts to use in this world and choices that ultimately only we can make. If we hold on too tight then love is unhealthy. We obsess, become possessive and jealous, or worse case express a need to control another. If we let go too easily, we are noncommittal, we neglect the hurt we feel or the hurt we cause. As things get hard we are the first to move on in hopes of finding something easier.

Our pasts are a lot like our relationships. Hold on too tight and we obsess. The dialogue in our head sounds something like this: "If things could be the way they were", "If only that hadn't happened to me," or "I can never trust again, or forgive her, etc". But if we move on too quickly we will find our pasts making wide circles around our lives until finally we are confronted once again with what we thought we had put to rest. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" is the quote from the spanish philosoher, George Santayana.

So, in handling our pasts well, we hold on but ever so loosely. We let ourselves think and feel and hurt and laugh about our pasts. And one day, and that is God's chosen day, we slowly let go of our past as our past slowly lets go of us. We are free but always changed because we have held on long enough and let go just in time.

My Prayer...Father in your kindness let us sit in our darkness with the weight of our pasts until we are convinced again of your love for us. And in the joy of the moment, with our hands open to you, let us hold on to you as we let go of our pasts. Amen and Amen

When to keep and when to turn loose (our past)

2009-06-30T04:47:00.000-07:00

Ok...Jesus said, "No one who puts their hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God." So let go of your past. He also said, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets (their history/past), I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." So, make the most of your past.

Think also about the warm place in his heart for people who had some pretty shady pasts. Matthew the tax collector Matthew 9. The woman at the well John 4. The rich ruler in Mark 10 ("Jesus looked at him and he loved him") probably the closest thing we have to the older son in our Luke 15 story.

So this Sunday I want us to talk about...

1. How to make the most of our past without it dragging us down.
2. When to let go of our past and when to make it a part of our life today.
3. And finally, why our past may be the most important thing God uses to shape us into people who become like him.

Passages to Read for Sunday:

Luke 9:57-62...Forget your past
Matthew 18:23-25...Don't forget your past

Come prepared this Sunday and happy studying....Blessings Terry

What to do with our Past...

2009-06-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

The Story of the father and his two sons in Luke 15 is familiar to us all. The wild child runs off, gets into a lot of trouble, returns home and is given a party. The respectable child gets mad, his feelings are hurt because he has never been given a party.

But have you thought about what happened the next day? The day after the party? The young son wakes up and wonders if he can ever make up for his past? What does his Father expect from him now? What will the community say about him behind his back and sometimes to his face? Does the son regret his past? Does he kick himself for being so stupid? Does he wish he could take it all back? How often should he apologize to his father and to his brother? Once a week or until they finally forgive him? Twice a week or until he finally forgives himself? Will his family ever trust him again or will he forever be known as irresponsible, or impulsive, or rebellious? Now that the party is over, what does he do with his past?

And that's a good question for each of us because we all have a past that we wish we could forget about. We have pasts that we like to pretend didn't effect us. We live in fear that we are still that same person today that we were back then. We live in fear that we will meet people just like those who have hurt us in our past. So, what does a committed follower of Christ do with her past?

Here is what we will talk about the next few weeks in life group:

Week 1 When our past is good for us and when it holds us back.
Week 2 Making peace with our past...forgiving ourselves and forgiving others
Week 3 A new me, in spite of or because of my past...how my past changes me
Week 4 Today is tomorrow's Past...the importance of today

My next post will begin our study on week one. Included along with the thoughts will be some passages to look at beforehand.
Peace...Terry